count my hopes
Apr. 22nd, 2025 08:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
( I Don't Know What Will Kill Us First: The Race War or What We've Done to the Earth )
in some solitary midnight Starbucks Golgotha
Apr. 22nd, 2025 07:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
I Have News for You
There are people who do not see a broken playground swing
as a symbol of ruined childhood
and there are people who don't interpret the behavior
of a fly in a motel room as a mocking representation of their thought process.
There are people who don't walk past an empty swimming pool
and think about past pleasures unrecoverable
and then stand there blocking the sidewalk for other pedestrians.
I have read about a town somewhere in California where human beings
do not send their sinuous feeder roots
deep into the potting soil of others' emotional lives
as if they were greedy six-year-olds
sucking the last half-inch of milkshake up through a noisy straw;
and other persons in the Midwest who can kiss without
debating the imperialist baggage of heterosexuality.
Do you see that creamy, lemon-yellow moon?
There are some people, unlike me and you,
who do not yearn after fame or love or quantities of money as
unattainable as that moon;
thus, they do not later
have to waste more time
defaming the object of their former ardor.
Or consequently run and crucify themselves
in some solitary midnight Starbucks Golgotha.
I have news for you—
there are people who get up in the morning and cross a room
and open a window to let the sweet breeze in
and let it touch them all over their faces and bodies.
--Tony Hoagland
*
We're the talk of the town
Apr. 22nd, 2025 04:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
(no subject)
Apr. 22nd, 2025 10:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
( mentions of health issues )
*
In job news, something pretty huge and happy-making has happened???
One of the 4 companies I interviewed with has gotten back to me (after like 7 stages) to say they want me to work for them and they'll send me a contract offer in the next few days (which is standard). Fingers crossed, nothing certain until papers are signed etc, but. BUT.
It's been over a year, and finally I have a job offer.
At least one company wants to pay me a decent salary with all the nice perks and everything.
Now, if I had no other offers and was not in the running for any other position, I would take this one IN A HEARTBEAT. I would take it and be SO GRATEFUL.
But since I am still somehow in the process with 3 other companies, I'm in the weird position of mentally wondering which one I'd choose if they were to make me an offer.
Company #2 - I've finished all the interviews, and they're supposed to get back to me tomorrow on whether they want to check my references, which usually takes 1-2 days and is more of a formality. There's good reason to assume that if they say yes to me tomorrow they'll make me an offer next week.
Company #3 - I'm doing my final interview with them on Thursday, a big presentation, and after that they'll let me know if they're interested, no reference checks. If they want me they'll just make an offer.
Company #4 - the actual company of my heart, that all other considerations aside I would probably choose to work for because I love their product so much - I'm doing my final interview with them on Monday (next week). Of course they have the WORST HR process, so I actually have no idea what their next step is and whether there's something else they'll want to do before deciding yay/nay after Monday.
Now I'm mostly stressed because Company #1, that's already told me they want me, will probably try to pressure me to finalize a contract with them before Company #4 has a chance to decide whether they want me, sigh.
All of these potential roles are so good. None of them are "I can live with that" compromises. All of them are amazing, it's more a question of specific types of amazing, and of course I ideally want the combination that works best for me.
It is utterly surreal to be in this position after a year and 2 months of being unemployed. UTTERLY SURREAL.
But you know, maybe all the other companies will reject me and only Company #1 will remain, which will still be perfectly fine and even great.
Or maybe I somehow manage to fuck up this whole thing and will be left with nothing ////o\\\\ IDK it's just too good to be true at the moment.
Phew. Deep breath. The next 2 weeks will be continued stress, especially since I have a big presentation on Thursday and on Monday, but then... then. I don't know. Maybe, just maybe. *fingers crossed*
If anyone could use a morale boost
Apr. 22nd, 2025 05:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Many many pictures.
Also, more protests yet to come, apparently, with ones scheduled for Oxford and Cambridge.
Physio reprised
Apr. 22nd, 2025 04:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
So today was my physio let's see how you're doing assessment, at the different health centre -
- which I was in a bit of a swivet about getting to, because the obvious straightforward route is the longest, and there are shorter ones but these involve a tangle of residential streets -
- not to mention, whichever way you slice it, the road winds uphill all the way, yea, to the very end, because the health centre is bang opposite Parliament Hill.
Nonetheless, I found a route which seemed doable, which said 24 mins (and that was not actually starting from home base but from the road by the railway line), which I thought was possibly optimistic for an Old Duck such as myself, but mirabile dictu it was in fact just over 20 but under 25 minutes, win, eh?
And took me along streets I have seldom walked along since the 70s/80s when I was visiting them more frequently for Reasons.
Had a rather short but I hope useful meeting with the physio - some changes to existing exercises and a new one or two.
Thought I would get a bus back as I had had time to check out the nearby bus stops, and there was one coming along which according to the information at the stop was going in a useful direction.
Alas it was coming from the desired direction, but still, cut off a certain amount of homewards slog.
Five SFF Works About Unlikely Global Superpowers
Apr. 22nd, 2025 10:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)

Improbable, but not impossible, ascents to the world stage...
Five SFF Works About Unlikely Global Superpowers
Foxfire, Esq. by Noa (October)
Apr. 22nd, 2025 09:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)

Retired superhero turned lawyer, Naomi "Foxfire" Ziegler pursues a wrongful death case involving a fire, a young superhero and a host of shifty housing corporations.
Foxfire, Esq. by Noa (October)
And some no one from the future remembers that you're gone
Apr. 21st, 2025 07:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
I saw the news of the death of Pope Francis. If it was going to be one of his last public statements, the construction site of Hell was an incredibly metal image to go out on.
I was not expecting to see the news that Willy Ley had been found in a can in a co-op on 67th Street. The idea of sending his ashes to space is completely correct and I wouldn't put SpaceX anywhere near that gesture. I could rewatch Frau im Mond (1929) for his memory.
Playing Stan Rogers' "Macdonnell on the Heights" (1984) for
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Personally I would ask Nigel Havers about the 1986 LWT A Little Princess.
this picnic is no picnic
Apr. 21st, 2025 06:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
- So what are the odds we get an antipope this time in addition to a pope?
- Sepinwall gave season 2 of Andor a good review (minor spoilers, I guess) - the first 3 episodes drop tomorrow and it sounds like they are doing 3 episodes a week for 4 weeks, as each one comprises a mini-arc. Trying not to get spoiled on the internet is sure to be a nightmare.
- I haven't done the AO3 stats meme regularly since 2018 because not much changes in my top 10. In 2021, however, I made note of some up-and-comers in the 11-20 slots, and it turns out that as of 4/20/25, Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc (i.e., the one where Dick convinces Jason to stop killing through the power of hugs) has crept into the top 10 by hits - it's number 9! (It looks like Our history is just in our blood (history, like love, is never enough) (the Steve/Bucky remix AU where Steve finds Bucky working as a barista) is the one that fell out of the top 10.)
Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc also made inroads into the top 10 by kudos, landing at number 5! Additionally, 2 Star Wars stories also found their way into the top 10 by kudos: There's Still Time to Change the Road You're On (in which Anakin time travels to the post-RotJ era and meets his kids) at 6, and deep as a secret nobody knows (AU where Leia tells Vader she's Padme's daughter and it changes everything) at number 8!
The 3 Avengers stories that dropped are again, Our history is just in our blood (history, like love, is never enough), plus Even a Miracle Needs a Hand (Clint/Darcy fake Christmas boyfriend), and with the lights out, it's less dangerous (Steve/Bucky, then and now).
According to these posts, I did not previously do the full list by comments, but I will note the appearance of deep as a secret nobody knows at number 3 on the comments list, and another Vader-and-Leia AU, Just a Little Bit of History Repeating, at number 10, with the VMars/Avengers crossover we travel without seatbelts on sitting pretty at number 7.
So I guess given enough time, these things CAN change.
- Today's poem:
Nothing Will Warn You
by Stephen Dunn
Nothing will warn you,
not even the promise of severe weather
or the threats of neighbors muttered
under their breath, unheard by the sonar
in you that no longer functions.
You'll be expecting blue skies, perhaps
a picnic at which you'll be anticipating
a reward for being the best handler
of raw meat in a county known
for its per capita cases of salmonella.
You'll have no memory of those women
with old grievances nor will you guess
that small bulge in one of their purses
could be a derringer. You'll be opening
a cold one, thinking this is the life,
this is the very life I've always wanted.
Nothing will warn you,
no one will blurt out that this picnic
is no picnic, the clouds in the west
will be darkly billowing toward you,
and you will not hear your neighbors'
conspiratorial whispers. You'll be
readying yourself to tell the joke
no one has ever laughed at, the joke
someone would have told you by now
is only funny if told on yourself, but no one
has ever liked you enough to say so.
Even your wife never warned you.
***
the improbable lady
Apr. 21st, 2025 03:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
( In this field of thistle )
Face the Dragon, by Joyce Sweeney
Apr. 21st, 2025 11:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)

In this YA novel published in 1990, six fourteen-year-olds face their inner dragons while they're in an accelerated academic program which includes a class on Beowulf.
I read this when it first came out, so when I saw a copy at a library book sale, I grabbed it to re-read. It largely holds up, though I'd completely forgotten the main plot and only recalled the theme and the subplot.
My recollection of the book was that the six teenagers are inspired by class discussions on Beowulf to face their personal fears. This is correct. I also recalled that one of the girls was a gymnast with an eating disorder and one of the boys was an athlete partially paralyzed in an accident, and those two bonded over their love of sports and current conflicted/damaging relationship to sports and their bodies, and ended up dating. This is also correct.
What I'd completely forgotten was the main plot, which was about the narrator, Eric, who idolized his best friend, Paul, and had an idealized crush on one of the girls in the class, who he was correctly convinced had a crush on Paul, and incorrectly convinced Paul was mutually attracted to. Paul, who is charming and outgoing, convinces Eric, who is shy, to do a speech class with him, where Eric surprisingly excels. The main plot is about the Eric/Paul relationship, how Eric's jealousy nearly wrecks it, and how the boys both end up facing their dragons and fixing their friendship.
Paul's dragon is that he's secretly gay. The speech teacher takes a dislike to him, promotes Eric to the debate team when Paul deserves it more (and tells Eric this in private), and finally tries to destroy Paul in front of the whole class by accusing him of being gay! Eric defends Paul, Paul confesses his secret to him, and the boys repair their friendship.
While a bit dated/historical, especially in terms of both boys knowing literally nothing about what being gay actually means in terms of living your life, it's a very nicely done novel with lots of good character sketches. The teachers are all real characters, as are the six kids - all of whom have their own journeys. The crush object, for instance, is a pretty rich girl who's been crammed into a narrow box of traditional femininity, and her journey is to destroy the idealized image that Eric is in love with and her parents have imposed on her - and part of Eric's journey is to accept the role of being her supportive friend who helps her do it.
I was surprised and pleased to discover that this and other Sweeney books are currently available as ebooks. I will check some out.
Bundle of Holding: Coyote & Crow
Apr. 21st, 2025 02:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)

This all-new Coyote & Crow Bundle presents Coyote & Crow, the alternate-history RPG set in the Free Lands of an uncolonized North America.
Bundle of Holding: Coyote & Crow
Catching up on various shows
Apr. 21st, 2025 06:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Wheel of Time S3 finale: speaking of Empire Strikes Back vibes... Though in this case just in one plot line. Okay, two, technically. (The second one being Team Elayne, Matt, Min and Nyneave not gaining what they wanted to, but what Nynayve did get was so important that I hesitate to equate this with the goings on at the White Tower.) This, too, is based on a book series written many years ago, and was shot way back when yours truly hoped the world would be less insane in 2025 than it actually is, but can't help but feel extremely on point with its ( spoiilery stuff )
Doctor Who ?.02: amusingly weird, technically impressive, everyone looks gorgeous in their costumes. But Fourth Wall Breaking stories are not really my thing, and so I can't say I loved it.
Maybe I'm being unduly cynical
Apr. 21st, 2025 02:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
But this did sound awfully like that spate of books where people had A Bright Idea to Do Something for A Year and got a book out of it, which was clearly the intention, and this struck my cynical ayfeist self as 'My Spiritual Pilgrimage to a Mystical Experience, Conversion, Faith, and Publishing Deal'.
Could I become a Christian in a year?
(How long did it take St Augustine? asking for a friend.)
For my perpetual Christian road-trip – beginning in the last months of 2022 and ending in early 2024 – I purchased a 21 year-old Toyota Corolla and stocked the glove box with second-hand CDs. I filled up my calendar with Christian retreats, church visits and stays in the houses of Christian strangers all across the highways and byways of the UK – Cornwall, Sussex, Kent, Hertfordshire, Birmingham, north Wales, Norfolk, Sheffield, Halifax, Durham, the Inner Hebrides – seeking out every kind of Christian, from Catholics to Orthodox Christians: Quakers, Pentecostals, Evangelicals, high to low Anglicans, Baptists, Methodists, Presbyterians, self-professed mystics, focusing on my generation specifically, those in their 20s and 30s, the youngest set of adults in Britain.
70s flashback!!! Only in those days it was people working their way through the various offerings of the 'Growth' aka 'Human Potential' Movement that was flourishing then and I'm pretty sure that people wrote up their memoirs of their odysseys through the various practices/groups/cults on offer.
I was also, in the light of this article today, intrigued that it was two bloke friends who set her on this path: I’m delighted to see gen Z men in the UK flocking back to church – I just hope it’s for the right reasons. So am I. I have a friend who has been involved in the much-delayed and still unsatisfactory response of the C of E to certain abuse cases and some of those seem to have been connected with cultish manifestations which were praised for bringing in that particular demographic.
(And having noted the other day that Witchfinder Hopkins was pretty much in that demographic of young men aged 18-24, I'd really like to know where these Gen Z converts are in relation to issues like ordination of women, LGCBTQ+ inclusivity, etc etc.)
Clarke Award Finalists 1994
Apr. 21st, 2025 09:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Which 1994 Clarke Award Finalists Have You Read?
Vurt by Jeff Noon
10 (16.7%)
A Million Open Doors by John Barnes
17 (28.3%)
Ammonite by Nicola Griffith
29 (48.3%)
Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson
49 (81.7%)
The Broken God by David Zindell
6 (10.0%)
The Iron Dragon's Daughter by Michael Swanwick
29 (48.3%)
Bold for have read, italic for intend to read,, underline for never heard of it.
Which 1994 Clarke Award Finalists Have You Read?
Vurt by Jeff Noon
A Million Open Doors by John Barnes
Ammonite by Nicola Griffith
Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson
The Broken God by David Zindell
The Iron Dragon's Daughter by Michael Swanwick